Christmas! You might be having one soon. You might not be. You might be like me and be having a quasi-Christmas which involves the presenting of presents but no actual religious beliefs. You might be having another cultural or faith-based celebration around this same time of year which also includes the exchange of gifts, such as Chanukah or Kwanzaa, and be feeling justifiably cranky that your observance is often tacked on as an afterthought to Christmas, a kind of cultural equivalent to the "and with him, as always, is Garth" from Wayne's World.
I always feel a bit wretched wishing people a "Happy Holidays", because it's like I'm saying "I wish you a Merry Christmas even though you don't celebrate Christmas at all, Merry or otherwise", and that's pretty shitty of me, even if it's a well-intentioned shittiness. There needs to be a way of saying "man, I hope this time of year doesn't suck for you, and that good stuff happens to you and the people you care about" without it being tangled up with potential awkwardness. Get on that, society!
Still, however your Decembers might look, you probably know at least a couple of people that you're supposed to give delightful gifts to for one reason or another, right? And since you're on the internet, it's likely that some of the people you know are also on the internet. In fact, that might be where you know them from! They might be living on the OTHER SIDE OF THE WORLD, in fact! It's crazy! What an age we live in, huh?
If you're anything like me, this situation is complicated by the fact that being on the internet and being lazy go hand in hand rather neatly. There are people on the other side of the world who need to be given nice things by you, but the post box is all the way outside, and maybe even down the street! That's a long way to go! Shit! What are we going to do?
Fear not! For here is the perfect solution to your terrible situation. You should buy your internet friends some e-books. You don't have to go anywhere! There are no shipping delays (did I ever tell you about the time I sent a friend a photo of LeVar Burton I took for her? I sent it October 19th, and she still doesn't have it. The mail service is not the reliable bastion of reliability that it should be!) or wrapping-related traumas, or snooty salespeople, or pungent noisy crowds.
Plus, these particular e-books are totally excellent and your internet friends will love them, I swear. Think how cool you'll feel when you get emails saying "wow, those books you sent me over the internet were totally great, friend! I have had an amazingly happy holidays and/or a fantastically merry christmas, and I owe it all to your astounding long-distance gift-giving skills! Hurrah for you!"
Getting an email like that would feel pretty good, right? Yep, it sure would. So your course of action is clear: this December, choose life. Give your internet friends their very own copies of
The Wolf House books one and two, and then settle back and enjoy the gratitude they heap upon you for it.
