Yeah, well I've always taken this day personally.

Today I'll celebrate, cause supposedly people care about people like me. You know the ones who decided they had a duty to their country and decided to go into the service.

I did not then nor do I now believe that war is the answer to most questions. Still my country called and I answered.

I was in the USArmy. I joined during my junior year in college, I actually tried to enlist but the sergeant in the recruiting office encouraged me to graduate with a BA first and then go in as a second lieutenant. Which when I thought about it was good advice. So that's what I did, with the Army paying me a stipend during my senior year, for that I contracted for two years of service. It was a program that saved my sanity. I really was ready to leave home.

So yeah I spent something like 3 months in officers training, and then the rest of the time in teaching general military subjects, right at the end actually being chief of that committee. It was all very intense, very strict, and wildly fun. One of the things I remember most was the passion for living each moment well. For being absolutely in the moment. Strangely zen.

During the middle of all that I did realize how wrong I felt being part of the service, how much the profession of war did not agree with me. Still, I needed to complete my duty, to do everything I did to the best of my ability, liking it or not.

I did learn that teaching really wasn't something I wanted to do for the rest of my life.

I did learn to focus.

I did like the uniform.

Here is a list of names from Arthurian legend. It's primary purpose is to help breeders of Opalescent dragons to choose an Arthurian name, if they should so desire. I can see how it might be useful for other things, too, though, so use it as you see fit. Or ignore it.

( Cut to save your flist from being overtaken by legend. )

I sort of feel continuously shit right now, and I'm mad at myself about this because in the grand scheme of things, and considering what a bunch of my friends are going through, I really have no reason to be anything but fine right now.

My weight, as nearly always, is bothering me so much right now. I actually lost quite a bit in America which is odd, normally I put weight on because there's so much out there I want to eat, but this time I was ill in New York, and spent quite a bit of time feeling anxious in Chicago so sort of didn't want to eat as much as usual. However since coming back I've felt ridiculously unattractive near constantly, and despite having bought quite a few new outfits recently every day when I try and get dressed for whatever I'm doing I feel fat and ugly in every outfit and sort of just want to go back to bed and not have to see anyone.


Paradoxically I'm also vaguely lonely, which on the one hand is perhaps to be expected when I'm living at home and all my friends are off at uni, but at the same time I was lonely all of last year whilst living at uni myself, and at least I've been going to see people, and people have been visiting. Diane is going to be staying with me again for an indefinite period of time soon so that might solve the lonliness problem.

On top of that all I've been doing recently is ridic long shifts at work, coming home to sleep, and waking up ridic early to go to either the next shift at work, or uni where I inevitably end up getting offended by one of the people I hang out with. Today my uni lecturer Jarno, who is often pretty un pc anyway said something I found transphobic and insulting. He said "if you have a problem with it, take it up with Teresa" (a faculty head I guess) and I don't know if I should or not, but I did find it offensive. Anyway all of this just leaves me feeling tired and annoyed and it all seems fairly pointless because I owe so much money, and don't have time to spend it and mostly I just want to sleep and not bother with anything for a week or so.

Annnnyyyywwwaaaayyyy. Self indulgent whining aside, on Friday when my money comes through I want to treat myself with what I have left of my earnings, so I'll finish with a poll:

Poll #1484005
Open to: All, detailed results viewable to: All, participants: 1

What ridiculous dvd should I buy to cheer myself up?

My Chemical Romance frontman Gerard Way has told Rock Sound that fans should get excited as the group put the finishing touches on their fourth album, currently being mixed with Rich Costey in Los Angeles:

"It is pretty safe to say that fans will not only enjoy this new record more than any of our previous albums but I think they will also get a clear picture from it, one that they will like. It is more raw and honest and a better snapshot of the band."

The singer went on to hint that the album could be My Chemical Romance's defining work:

"A friend who heard the record recently said he now had no interest in listening to our older work anymore, that we had made all our old material redundant. I took it as a compliment, the next thing you do should always make the last thing seem unimportant and I think that will happen when we finally release this album."

Excited? Scared? Want to read more from Gerard? Stay tuned to the site and make sure you pick up the next issue of Rock Sound magazine!

Source

That's what I feel like I have right now--things drift in and out, pinging vaguely, but not a lot sticks. Tonight is my last BodyCombat for at least three months; by this time next week, I'll be out of surgery and possibly even home already, probably feeling like I've been run over with a truck. And...I guess I don't really know how to feel, about any of it.

One "good" thing, certainly, is that I sure won't be in any sort of shape to rack up yet more expenses we can't actually afford, the way I've been doing thus far. Which is why I had to pay Steve/the house back $200.00 out of the absolute tail-end of my emergency savings, because when I get bored and/or scared I tend to grab stuff I don't need and pay for it with money we don't have. But then again, if Steve would just pay the damn bills when he says he'll pay them, there wouldn't have been any money in that account for me to spend recklessly on useless shit, now, would there? Etc.

Otherwise, I'm alternately trying to make my way a bit further through "History's Crust" and thinking about A Rope of Thorns, which has already changed distinctly since the last time I looked at it in any fine detail--as I knew it would, because stuff always does, alchemically, in the journey from sketch to realization. And yet. I worry I'm going to have to bring in lots of new characters. I worry I don't know exactly what to do with the old ones. I know where things "have to" go, but not exactly why. None of this is new, exactly, but it's definitely scarier than usual, because there's just a whole lot more riding on it.

So, yeah: Same old same old, plus Remembrance Day. How's by you?

Amended to add: And speaking of the latter...

STORY OF ISAAC--Leonard Cohen

The door it opened slowly,
my father he came in,
I was nine years old.
And he stood so tall above me,
his blue eyes they were shining
and his voice was very cold.
He said, 'I've had a vision
and you know I'm strong and holy,
I must do what I've been told.'
So he started up the mountain,
I was running, he was walking,
and his axe was made of gold.

Well, the trees they got much smaller,
the lake a lady's mirror,
we stopped to drink some wine.
Then he threw the bottle over.
Broke a minute later
and he put his hand on mine.
Thought I saw an eagle
but it might have been a vulture,
I never could decide.
Then my father built an altar,
he looked once behind his shoulder,
he knew I would not hide.

You who build these altars now
to sacrifice these children,
you must not do it anymore.
A scheme is not a vision
and you never have been tempted
by a demon or a god.
You who stand above them now,
your hatchets blunt and bloody,
you were not there before,
when I lay upon a mountain
and my father's hand was trembling
with the beauty of the word.

And if you call me brother now,
forgive me if I inquire,
'Just according to whose plan?'
When it all comes down to dust
I will kill you if I must,
I will help you if I can.
When it all comes down to dust
I will help you if I must,
I will kill you if I can.
And mercy on our uniform,
man of peace or man of war,
the peacock spreads his fan.

you guys, they're just being the best my chemical romance that they can be. ♥____♥

i need this new album like you don't even know. or maybe you do. uuuuuugh.

44
DAYS
UNTIL
CHRISTMAS!


43
DAYS
UNTIL
CHRISTMAS
EVE!

guys, have i ever mentioned how much i love this icon? because man oh man do i ever.

I never thought I'd say this, but I want all the fic about them being crazy idiots who play dress-up and have long Conversations About Very Deep And Meaningful Things which are mostly just bullshit. Or, you know, AU fic where they're Catholic schoolboys and Greenwald is an older guy and a terribly bad influence. He's kind of fun to write, even if he is the edgiest unwashed crazy-eyed hipster possible.

I started writing this story where Brendon and Ryan swap bodies on the Blink tour back in August, hit 17,000 words, then put it aside at the end of September when uni started killing me, and now I don't think I'll even know where to pick it up when I'm finally free week after next. ( Have a snippet of Greenwald and Brendon-in-Ryan's-Body from it, though. It ought to make sense out of context. )

I checked the website to give contact information to Rob, and noted, hey, the sisters have a blog. Brand new, just three entries so far, but I've syndicated it. stbensisters_feed and stbensisters.

It was probably a bit much to hope they'd have a twitter page.

I'm off, as soon as the socks get out of the dryer. I will have my cell phone with me if any needs to reach me.

This jacket: solid basis for a Middleman costume y/n?